20 Questions for Media Day

Two things:

1. I promise you that I did not steal this idea from this ESPN article. I've had the idea in the back of my mind since the Pats knocked off the Chargers in the AFC Championship game. If anything, ESPN stole the idea from me.


2. If John Dudley is considered a member of the media, then so am I. That said, here are 20 hypothetical questions I would or would not ask various players during media day.

NEW YORK GIANTS

Wow! Only the Patriots margin of victory will be wider.

Michael Strahan: Will the Patriots margin of victory be as wide or wider than the gap between your two front teeth?
Plaxico Burress: So, you're predicting that the Patriots finish with 17 points? How many points do you think they'll score in the other three quarters?
Jeff Feagles: How does it feel being older than the Super Bowl itself?
Eli Manning: Do you realize that, after your inevitable meltdown against the Patriots, you will still have choked in fewer big games against the Pats than your brother has?
Tom Coughlin: What are your thoughts on the fact that the Super Bowl will be played in Arizona in a climate-controlled stadium so that your face will not turn a color of red that hasn't been seen since Carrot Top?
Brandon Jacobs: When you and Vince Wilfork collide, will it disrupt the San Andreas faultline?
Steve Smith: Shouldn't you be in Carolina with your teammates?
Lawrence Tynes: How many more big kicks will you miss on Sunday?
Jeremy Shockey: Would you agree that you are tremendously overrated considering that Kevin Boss (4 catches, 45 yards, 0 TDs) has outplayed you in the playoffs?
Aaron Ross: Do you know how to spell "Moss?" Because if you don't, you'll have ample opportunity to learn as you'll see the back of Moss' jersey plenty while chasing him down the field.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

Tom Brady: Do you think that this year's Super Bowl MVP trophy will be any heavier than your previous two?
Randy Moss: Amidst all of the bitch-slapping allegations, you shouldn't have any problems making Aaron Ross your bitch, right?
Bill Belichick: Would you vote in favor of renaming the Lombardi Trophy "the Belichick Trophy?"
Robert Kraft: How many carats will be in this year's Super Bowl rings?
Stephen Gostkowski: You haven't attempted a "big time" field goal since you replaced Adam Vinatieri, a guy who kicked his way into Patriots lore. Will you be able to handle such pressure knowing that you may need to enter the Witness Protection Program should you miss a big kick?
Richard Seymour: You will continue to be a dirty player on Sunday, correct? After all, after sacking Eli Manning for the third time, you're bound to get grass stains on your knee.
Vince Wilfork: Will you swallow Eli Manning?
Asante Samuel: Considering that Eli Manning will be throwing to you all game, can you just save the fans the confusion and wear a Giants uniform instead?
Atwain Spann: ESPN recently ranked you as the least likely to have any impact on the outcome of the Super Bowl. You must certainly be using this as your own personal bulletin board material. How do you plan on outperforming Pats third-string tight end, Stephen Spach, and Giants no-name nose tackle, Manny Wright?
Tedy Bruschi: You've won three Super Bowls in your career, and this will be your fifth appearance. After you win your fourth Super Bowl on Sunday, will you consider your own self a dynasty at the middle linebacker position?